Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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