I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
