i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
