OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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