the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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