My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
