I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
