I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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