ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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