you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
