I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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