Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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