he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
