I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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