I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
