Jerry, you need to find god
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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