u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
