Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
