I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
