I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
