what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
