I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
