Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
