So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
