tell your sister to shave her snatch
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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