yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
