he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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