He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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