is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
