mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
