I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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