You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
