I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
