All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
