so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
