do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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