We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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