Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
