He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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