god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club