the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex