the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
do herpes really smell.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt