she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.