and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!