one might say we're banned from that church
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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