my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
