hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
