Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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