The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
