So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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