No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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