The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
