I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
