my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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