I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ketchup is God's man juice
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
