dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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