I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
