i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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