The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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