I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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