Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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