Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
