Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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