only you would photoshop your dick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
