i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
