I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
