I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
