Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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