Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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