He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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