where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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