I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
