turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
