VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
