normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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