a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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