You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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