I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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