I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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